MY IMAGINARY FAMILY

My writing below is just a joke. I wrote it in reply to MERVEILLESXX, a famous Thai film blogger ( http://merveillesxx.bloggang.com/ ). He wrote under the topic of MY IDEAL FAMILY, imagining himself as a daughter of MICHAEL HANEKE and NAOMI KAWASE, with CATHERINE BREILLAT as his/her stepmother, ASIA ARGENTO and AOI MIYAZAKI as his/her sisters, and JT LEROY + JOHN ROBINSON as his/her brothers. His real friend, NANOGUY, also wrote under this topic, imagining himself as the son of JOHN WATERS and GONG LI.

The Thai writings under this topic can be read here:
http://www.bioscopemagazine.com/smf/index.php?topic=409.0

This is what I wrote for this topic. It is a nonsensical joke. I hope no one is offended by my writing.

ขอตอบน้อง merveillesxx เป็นภาษาอังกฤษนะคะ เพื่อความเป็นกะหรี่พัฟ (จริงๆแล้วเพื่อจะได้เอาไปแปะ BLOG ตัวเองได้สะดวก)

MY IMAGINARY FAMILY

1.My self-imposed name is MARINA DE VAN DAMME.

2.My father is JEAN-MARIE STRAUB. My mother is DANIELE HUILLET.

3.My grandfather is ROBERT BRESSON.

4.My uncles are

4.1 HARUN FAROCKI. He has a son called CHRISTIAN PETZOLD.

4.2 HELLMUTH COSTARD. He and MAGDALENA JETELOVA has a son called PHILIPPE PARRENO.

4.3 LUC DARDENNE

4.4 JEAN-PIERRE DARDENNE

4.5 AKI KAURISMAKI. He has two sons called GUSTAVE DE KERVERN and BENOIT DELEPINE.

5.My aunt is CHANTAL AKERMAN.

6. Our neighbors are

6.1 JAMES BROUGHTON, but after a while, he left our neighborhood, and went to live in THE LAKE ISLE OF INNISFREE where JAMES BENNING and SADIE BENNING also reside.

6.2 TOBA KHEDOORI
http://www.urbanhonking.com/ideasfordozens/archives/2006/10/immense_miniatu.html

6.3 DEREK JARMAN

7. I couldn’t bear living with my parents. I couldn’t bear their austere lifestyles. So I ran away from home when I was seven. I wandered the streets, telling everybody that I was an orphan.

8.Later, I was accepted to live and study in THE EMILY DICKINSON ORPHANAGE. TILDA SWINTON is the headmistress of this school for orphans. This orphanage is under the patronage of BARONESS DELPHINE SEYRIG.

9.Later, I was adopted by LARISSA SHEPITKO and ELEM KLIMOV. My foster father also let me star in his film called COME AND SEE. But I was traumatized when I starred in this film. So I ran away from home again.

10.I wandered the streets until I ran into a cute boy called MATHIEU DEMY. I stalked him and tried to follow him home. I decided to apply to work as a maid in his house, in order to get near him. When I worked as a maid in this house, his parents, AGNES VARDA and JACQUES DEMY, were very kind to me. This was the happiest time of my life.

11.The trouble began when three friends of his parents visited this house. These three friends are CLAUDE CHABROL, NANCY MECKLER, and JEAN-PIERRE DENIS. These three friends told VARDA and DEMY that I was not trustworthy, and they shouldn’t hire me as a maid any more. So I was fired and became a VAGABOND.

12.After wandering the streets for a while, I ran into a skating woman called YVONNE RAINER. She invited me to join her and her friends on a journey in the ship of MADAME X (TABEA BLUMENSCHEIN).

13. I got involved in a big war. Because MADAME X was the enemy of CAPTAIN JACK SPARROW. The boat of MADAME X and the boat of JACK SPARROW had a big fight. I tried to help MADAME X fighting, but I couldn’t fire a shot at WILL TURNER. How can I kill a man with such an angel face?

The boat of MADAME X nearly lost the fight, but suddenly we got help from four other boats . These four boats are

13.1 The boat of ANNA PLANETA (ANNA PRUCNAL, SWEET MOVIE)
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0072235/

13.2 The boat of CELINE (JULIET BERTO) and JULIE (DOMINIQUE LABOURRIER)
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0071381/

13.3 The boat of VEDOVA CHING (JUN ICHIKAWA, SINGING BEHIND SCREENS)
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0327546/

13.4 The boat of ASIA THE INVINCIBLE (BRIGITTE LIN, SWORDSMAN III: THE EAST IS RED)
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0105655/


14. We won the fight against Captain Jack Sparrow. After this big war, we separated and went on our own ways. I tried to find a new job.

15.I enlisted in the ARMY OF SHADOWS. This secret militant group tried to overthrow the CENSORA government, which did nothing except destroying the freedom of mankind, burning books, and banning films.

16.My commanders are

16.1 ALAIN ROBBE-GRILLET

16.2 MICHAEL SHAOWANASAI

16.3 ANNIE SPRINKLE

16.4 CAROLEE SCHNEEMANN
http://www.caroleeschneemann.com/

16.5 VANESSA BEECROFT
http://www.vanessabeecroft.com/

16.6 MARLENE DUMAS

17. I couldn’t fight in this army for a long time, because I am a coward. I resigned from this army, hoping that would save my life, because the evil CENSORA government tried to kill every suspect. I tried to flee from this oppressive country by exiting it via the PAN’S LABYRINTH.

18. Apart from being a coward, I also have another big flaw. I am a hot-tempered person. Someone told me I can achieve calmness of mind if I have a chance to learn from a big guru called KATHARINA SIEVERDING. She lives near the LAKE OF TRANQUILITY. Now I’m searching for this lake to find this guru.

Some photos:

MAGDALENA JETELOVA
http://www.jetelova.de/index2.html
http://farm2.static.flickr.com/1320/838733808_921068a7fc_o.jpg

A photo from AALTRA (2004, Gustave de Kervern + Benoit Delepine)
http://www.aaltra-roadmovie.com/english/accueil.php
http://outnow.ch/Media/Img/2004/Aaltra/
http://farm2.static.flickr.com/1162/838733822_b7c46707fb_b.jpg

JULE-DIE VROU, a painting by MARLENE DUMAS
http://www.artfacts.net/index.php/pageType/artworkInfo/artworkID/2606
http://farm2.static.flickr.com/1128/838733904_450632ca9a_o.jpg

KATHARINA SIEVERDING
http://www.patricialow.com/artists/katharina_sieverding/
http://www.berlin-art-info.de/05-07/0507_sieverdingpuma.shtml
http://www.goethe.de/ins/fr/pro/art/buecher/deabue2.htm
http://farm2.static.flickr.com/1220/838733974_c1fdc1b827_o.jpg
http://farm2.static.flickr.com/1151/838733914_a12b5c90e6_o.jpg
http://farm2.static.flickr.com/1351/838733906_689ec3e18a_o.jpg